Last week, I shared reason #3 why moms felt overwhelmed to the point of tears in the shower. This week, I wanted to continue to reason #2. If you missed the last post, go ahead and read it now and come back to pick up where you left off.
Let’s get right to it! Reason #2 that moms cry in the shower is because we take care of others to the point we neglect ourselves. Between working outside or inside of the home (or both), taking care of a family, and all that comes with it, we find ourselves looking after too many things. Little by little, we start completely disregarding our wants and ultimately sacrificing our needs. What we don’t always realize is the long-term cost of doing so. Sure, it seems like an easy choice in the moment to put our kids, husband, and work above ourselves for the sake of taking care of everything and everyone. If it were a one-time deal, it wouldn’t be so bad. The thing is, it starts with little things and before we know it, we have no time to ourselves or for ourselves.
We get so used to sacrificing our needs that over time, we get to the point where we think it’s selfish to even consider tending to them. If it’s been a really long time we start to forget what our needs even are! The thing is, we’re human. It’s only natural to have needs that must be catered to. What’s more, one of the best ways to cater to others is by first taking care of ourselves. If we’re at our best, we’re more adequately equipped to provide better quality service to others. Taking care of ourselves doesn’t mean we do so at the expense of others but with the intention of better serving others in addition to ourselves.
We have to be diligent about identifying and catering to our needs. One thing I often remind my clients is not to confuse pampering with fulfilling needs. Many times, women know they need something but don’t know what. They default to things they can give themselves instead of time they can invest in themselves. It’s certainly important to pamper yourself but that’s different than catering to your needs.
The way I break it down is, nurturing yourself fulfills your needs down to a soul-level. It reboots and recharges you. It fills that deep yearning within. These aren’t needs that can be met with achievements, status, or money. These are things that take time and energy to cater to and fulfill. If you don’t know what your needs are, you have to make some time to evaluate them STAT! It can take some time and practice to really understand and identify what your needs are. Here are three steps I encourage women to take to help them get in the habit of identifying and fulfilling their needs-
- First, it comes down to making time. Make the time to evaluate your needs and then start catering to them. Either maximize on the in-between time you have (commute to/from work, lunch break, while the kids are in practice) or delegate the things you do for others that they can help out with (pack lunches, do laundry, work favors).
- Now that you’ve identified time you can use more efficiently, figure out what you’re going to do with it! While I can’t tell you what your needs are, I can help you find ways to discovering them.
- Start by making sure your basic needs for functioning are met (you’re eating well, drinking enough water, getting enough rest, exercising, and promoting your overall health and well-being).
- Once those are met, explore the needs you have that require time and energy to fulfill.
- Make it a priority. Create a calendar appointment or a reminder on your phone. Whatever you do, keep this appointment and don’t hit snooze or dismiss without completing it. Catering to your needs on a daily basis has to be done. It’s not enough for your needs to make it to your list, you actually have to tend to them.
It’s a daily practice that you get better at with time. If you have a lot of experience self-sacrificing you have to build up your practice of being self-fulfilling. There are some things others just can’t do for us, and this is one of them. The more clear you are on your needs and how you can meet them, the better you’ll be at building yourself up from the inside out and recharging the essence of your being. If you’re overwhelmed, this is an essential step you need to take to get to the root of the problem.
If you want another way to practice dedicating time to yourself and exploring ways to nurture your needs, I encourage you to sign up to download this practice I’ve created to support you with that journey.
What are your thoughts on this 3-part series so far? Did you need to hear this today? I’d love to hear if this resonated with you. Feel free to share in the comments!
As always, I’m sending lots of love your way and wishing you all that you need to support you in nurturing yourself on a soul-level.