I never thought I’d use my bathroom as a place of refuge but over the years that’s what it turned into. It started off as a place I’d go to hoping for a moment to myself to collect my thoughts. By a moment, I literally mean that, a moment! I thought I’d take a page from my husband’s book and shut myself in the bathroom to take a breather. Turns out, that trick doesn’t work for me as well as it works for him! While he can go in and close the door and sit nearly as long as he likes, I have little hands knocking at the door, little high-pitched calls for my name, and fingers reaching under the door within a minute. I’m starting to think maybe I should leave the door open and see what happens when the mystery is taken away…
Yes, I became that mom who had to hide in the bathroom for a few minutes. Since that plan didn’t work, eventually I just had to wait for my cue. You know, once they’re finally asleep breathing heavily and talking in their sleep? That’s when I knew, I could have some uninterrupted time to myself. I used to take late-night showers to be able to hide my tears. I wanted to be able to release frustration and overwhelm without alarming my kids. Sometimes it was even to hide the tears from my husband because I felt so defeated. There are many reasons that drive moms to the shower to mask our tears with the water but today I wanted to talk about one of three reasons.
3. We’ve been too “strong” for too long| I use the term “strong” loosely, not that I don’t believe we are but that we confuse what it means to be strong. We give off the impression that we can handle everything by ourselves. In fact, for some of us it’s something we pride ourselves on. The thing is, if we look like we can handle everything by ourselves, no one knows when we struggle. No one offers help when we need it. We are so busy holding it all together that it’s hard for people to tell when the weight is too much to bear. It can lead to us feeling isolated, unappreciated, and taken advantage of.
If you realize that your current idea or definition of strength isn’t working for you, I want to encourage you to redefine it. First, write down what your current idea of a strong woman is.
- What qualities does a strong woman have?
- What does she do?
- What does her strength look like in action?
- Is her strength based on what she does? How much she does? How long she does it? How many people she caters to? That she does it all on her own?
After you have that written down, take a moment to think of what a healthy definition of a strong woman is.
- What things does a woman with a healthy definition of strength do?
- What qualities doe she have?
- How does she communicate?
- Is she able to ask for help and willing to accept it?
- What does she look like in action?
I just want you to know, you aren’t alone mama. So many women bare the weight of the world on their shoulders. We’ve either been taught by those strong women who came before us or learned through life experience that’s what’s expected of us. That’s why I believe it’s so important to have a group of women you can turn to. Women of different walks of life and levels of experience. Women you can go to for advice, confide in, and share your story with. If you don’t have a group of women like that in your life, I want to encourage you to join the Worthiness Ambassador Sisterhood. It’s a closed Facebook group where you share your story, ask questions, and surround yourself with other women. While it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a sisterhood to run the village. Next week I’ll share reason number two that moms cry in the shower.
Sending you lots of love and wishing you all that you need to be strong and healthy.