This video popped up on my Facebook feed this week and it reminded me of a recent conversation I had with my mom. My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years. While I’m very fortunate to be with a wonderful person who is kind, loving, and my best friend, I’d be lying if I said it was easy. Relationships are hard work. It takes both partners giving their all, cultivating happiness, and choosing to love above all. Most days are sweet as pie but we have some that aren’t.
While we’ve gone through times it seemed the easiest thing to do would be to throw in the towel, at the end of the day that’s not what either of us wants. Sure we can get on each other’s nerves, not see eye to eye, and just need some time alone. The thing is, not only do we love and support one another, we also challenge one another to be better. It’s not always pleasant, but it is necessary if you want to grow. I’m thankful that I have someone that is willing to challenge me, support me, and grow with me.
During the tough times, I always remind myself of why we started dating in the beginning. I think about all of his good qualities, the things I love about him, and look back on the wonderful memories. It can be really easy to dwell on flaws and shortcomings when you’re going through a rough patch. The truth is, you have to put things into perspective. For me, I know there is no perfect partner. My life isn’t a rom-com and my husband wasn’t made in a factory specifically for me. He’s a person with strengths and imperfections just like me.
So while there have been times during the course of our 10-year relationship that we’ve questioned the longevity to come, what we’ve never questioned is the commitment we have to one another. We work through our rough patches, and remind ourselves to water the grass in our relationship. It’s only through dedication, nurturing, and partnership that the grass will grow back healthy, full, and strong. I think so many times, we’ve been fooled to think the grass grows green on its own. We forget that those long-term healthy relationships have put a lot of care, maintenance, and work into growing that green grass.
I just want to encourage you to sit down with your partner and come up with a maintenance schedule that works for the two of you. A care plan to water the grass of your relationship. One that you are both happy with and caring for together. It takes work to maintain a relationship, it doesn’t happen by chance, and love alone isn’t enough to sustain it. There are many aspects to keeping it healthy and vibrant. The secret to success is different for every couple. By working together with your partner, you can craft your own.
Here’s the video I mentioned earlier-
I know this is an uncomfortable subject but if your relationship really is worse than divorce, I’d like to encourage you to evaluate your options. If you are in an unhealthy relationship, please seek professional support. No one has to stay in an unhealthy relationship.