Self-love & Relationship

I was talking with my husband recently and I realized that there’s been a shift in the dynamic of our relationship over the years. Changes are to be expected because neither of us is the same person from 10 years ago. We’ve matured and grown over that time. One of the things I discovered is how the love I have for myself impacts our relationship. In the beginning, I didn’t love myself very much. I didn’t expect anything from myself or others and my standards were almost non-existent.

When my husband and I were dating and it got serious, I told him there were two things I wouldn’t tolerate in our relationship; if he cheated or was abusive the relationship was over. Looking back it saddens me because it reminds me of the state of mind I was in at that time. I wasn’t at the point I’m at now. I was at a place I didn’t know what I wanted, I only knew what I didn’t want. While neither of those has changed, it’s not the standard of my relationship. Our relationship is based on a foundation of positive aspects that keep us grounded.

I’ve been on a journey of self-love since those early years of our relationship. It has been a hard, draining, and healing process. Many things in my marriage have changed since I began cultivating my self-love. It’s been something my husband has had to adjust to and transition with me. With my newfound self-love, I felt different. I no longer felt like I was lucky for whatever I got, I realized I deserved the best. It’s not that I’m lucky to have a partner who loves, supports, and cherishes me. I deserve my husband because I’m worthy of his love, affection, and partnership.

Not only does my self-love benefit me, but everyone around me. I’m a better quality partner and able to show love in ways like being thoughtful, attentive, and nurturing. I’m a better person in every sense of the word because I’m able to show those around me the same love I have for myself. There are times we still have to work on dynamics that have shifted due to my increased self-love. It can be hard for my husband to adjust but it’s part of the process and the challenge pushes us to grow together. At the end of the day, love is cultivated whether self-love or the love you have for your partner. I’d like to encourage you to cultivate the love you have for yourself because that sets the bar for the love you can show others.

Have you noticed how your self-love affects your relationship? Feel free to share in the comments ๐Ÿ’–

32 Replies to “Self-love & Relationship”

  1. Wonderful post Niki! Your self-reflection encourages the same in your readers.

    I agree 100% that our expectations and needs of relationships change as we change. With our partners and our friends.

    The biggest change for me is how much more specific I am about my expectations and needs. In the past, just like you – all I did was give.

    Then there was a time where I was disappointed (add several synonyms to this word) that my needs weren’t being met – no matter the relationship.

    Then I finally woke up (around age 40) to the truth that I needed to speak up about what I needed + be open to receiving. Vulnerable times. So worth it. Always a (love) work in progress.๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’ซ

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for sharing Andrea ๐Ÿ’– That’s such an important point, giving and receiving is a cycle and it’s important to do both. I’m so glad you found your voice, may you teach and encourage others to do the same ๐Ÿ’–

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It can be a hard lesson to learn but sometimes we have to learn to let go of things that no longer serve us, sometimes even people. I’m glad that you continue down the path of self-love! โค

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post! I agree that the more you practice self care / love then the more grounded you become and not so caught up in your fears etc. I myself have had to take this step in the last week or so and my partner noticed the change in my voice almost immediately. Hard to do at times!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Niki! Talk about the maps Universe and how awesome it is that your post was the very first I have read in its entirety and connected with. I am on my journey for self love, one that Ive been on for awhile but have finally decided to be present in. I can relate to the past you in my relationship with my fiancรฉ and how we are just in the beginning of our journey. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love hearing when people connected with my blog like this. I truly believe each post is written for a specific person because this happens so often. I often connect with my divine team to deliver the words someone needs and publish it knowing they will come across it in perfect timing. I’m so glad you’re on your journey of self-love and open to the process. If you haven’t already seen it, I’d like to invite you to join the kindness challenge I’m hosting in May. Details are on the top right of the sidebar. The first week focuses specifically on self-kindness. Wishing you all you need to support you on this beautiful journey Lauren ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Niki,

    I stumbled across your post by fate and I’m very grateful for that. I typed in “self love” and your post popped right up. I could relate to your post so much. To be very honest, I felt like I was reading something for the “future me”.

    I hope that I can find my peace and feel “worthy” or even “deserving” in my relationship with my bf.

    Any pointers on how you started your self love journey? I would definitely appreciate some pointers ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So nice to meet you. I’m glad you found this post. I’m sorry you can relate to it. The journey of self-love is different for everyone but if you start it, it will be beautiful! Honestly it took me having a complete breakdown to be able to put myself back together. It’s been four years and I still have things to work on. I’m currently in the last phase of editing to self publish a book that details the process I used to overcome my 17 year battle with depression. From that I was able to step into self-love. Check back for updates on the book if it sounds like something you’d like to read ๐Ÿ’–

      Liked by 2 people

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