I was talking with my husband recently and I realized that there’s been a shift in the dynamic of our relationship over the years. Changes are to be expected because neither of us is the same person from 10 years ago. We’ve matured and grown over that time. One of the things I discovered is how the love I have for myself impacts our relationship. In the beginning, I didn’t love myself very much. I didn’t expect anything from myself or others and my standards were almost non-existent.
When my husband and I were dating and it got serious, I told him there were two things I wouldn’t tolerate in our relationship; if he cheated or was abusive the relationship was over. Looking back it saddens me because it reminds me of the state of mind I was in at that time. I wasn’t at the point I’m at now. I was at a place I didn’t know what I wanted, I only knew what I didn’t want. While neither of those has changed, it’s not the standard of my relationship. Our relationship is based on a foundation of positive aspects that keep us grounded.
I’ve been on a journey of self-love since those early years of our relationship. It has been a hard, draining, and healing process. Many things in my marriage have changed since I began cultivating my self-love. It’s been something my husband has had to adjust to and transition with me. With my newfound self-love, I felt different. I no longer felt like I was lucky for whatever I got, I realized I deserved the best. It’s not that I’m lucky to have a partner who loves, supports, and cherishes me. I deserve my husband because I’m worthy of his love, affection, and partnership.
Not only does my self-love benefit me, but everyone around me. I’m a better quality partner and able to show love in ways like being thoughtful, attentive, and nurturing. I’m a better person in every sense of the word because I’m able to show those around me the same love I have for myself. There are times we still have to work on dynamics that have shifted due to my increased self-love. It can be hard for my husband to adjust but it’s part of the process and the challenge pushes us to grow together. At the end of the day, love is cultivated whether self-love or the love you have for your partner. I’d like to encourage you to cultivate the love you have for yourself because that sets the bar for the love you can show others.
Have you noticed how your self-love affects your relationship? Feel free to share in the comments 💖