Last Monday’s parenting post talked about quality time in a parenting relationship. I thought this would be a great topic to discuss in a relationship post as well. Quality time happens to be my primary love language which means that’s the currency my love is best received in. For me, how those I love spend their time indicates what their priorities are. In the beginning of my relationship with my husband, he regularly made deposits into my quality time account. We wanted nothing more than to spend time together. As time went on the dynamics of the relationship changed as it happens with time. We continued to have a great relationship but I felt like something was off. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I realized what it was. While we still regularly spent time together, we weren’t spending as much quality time together.
This is a concept my husband has had to learn. With quality time being my primary love language, there’s a difference between being together and spending time together. For me personally, it’s about engagement and the amount of time spent doesn’t really matter. I prefer to talk during dinner than to sit at the same table and watch a show while we eat. I prefer to read a book together, play board games, go for hikes, or just sit on the couch and have a conversation. I discovered taking the time to have a 15-minute conversation or read a chapter of a book together did more to enrich our relationship than almost anything else. I had to explain it to my husband that way because I’d often mentioned it and he couldn’t understand how I could want to be around him any more than we already were! While it’s nice to have him home after work, I hardly consider him being in the same room spending quality time together.
After reading The 5 Love Languages, it was clear we had two different ideas of what quality time meant. While I had expressed my desire, I hadn’t defined it. He thought he was giving me what I wanted and I thought he just didn’t care and was giving it half way. After reading the book together I was able to clearly explain what quality time looked like to me. The very time we spent together reading the book was a large deposit into my quality time account! I was also able to discover what his primary love language was and was actually quite surprised to learn that the one I guessed turned out to be his secondary love language. I highly recommend this book to all couples! Whether you have a great relationship or you have a disconnect, this is a great way to get to know each other as well as yourselves better! You can take the test ahead of time to discover what each of your love languages is.
I started off this post on the subject of quality time in a relationship. I’d love to know how you define quality time, how highly you’d say quality time comes on your priority list, and what kinds of things you consider quality time with your partner. Thanks for reading, and feel free to share in the comments! I’ll start the conversation-
For me, the definition of quality time in my relationship is: an unspecified amount of time spent with my husband engaging with one another; doing something we love, concentrating our focused attention on each other and living in the moment together.
Quality time is at the top of my priority list in my relationship! I’m glad that I’ve been able to define it and help my husband, as well as myself better understand the definition and importance this has in my steak of the relationship.
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You might enjoy the parenting edition of quality time, click the photo to be redirected there.
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