As amazing as being in a relationship can be, I’m sure we can all agree it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. When you are in a committed relationship for an extended period of time, you’re bound to have disagreements. In my early years I got worked up quite easily, was very feisty, and it didn’t take much to lure me into an argument. These days arguments are very rare but disagreements still happen. My husband and I are two completely different people, with different ways of thinking, different perspectives, and different opinions. Today’s post isn’t about how to avoid disagreements, it’s about healthy boundaries so disagreements don’t hurt your relationship.
We have two young children so we are very conscious that our kids are always learning from us. They pick up on the great things that we do and they also pick up on the things we need to work on. The way that we conduct ourselves as individuals and as a couple is setting the tone of their sense of normal. While it might feel good to have a good old-fashioned disagreement in the heat of the moment, the long-term effects could be detrimental in more ways than one.
- one or both of you might say something in the heat of the moment you’ll later regret
- the damage of those words outlives the moment they were spoken
- each time this happens it causes more damage to the relationship
- if you have children, they are picking up on this whether you think so or not
My husband and I agree that there are times that it’s acceptable to have a disagreement in front of our kids. Not only are we showing them that even two people that love each other aren’t going to agree all of the time but we are also showing them how to handle the situation. That being said, we have established a few ground rules. I’m going to share our personal healthy boundaries for our disagreements. These are points that we discussed and felt were important to implement not only for the sake of our children but for the sake of our relationship. We want to make sure that we nurture it and respect one another especially when we’re not at our best.
Remember, these are our personal boundaries that I’m sharing as an example. They speak to specific areas that one or both of us needs to keep in mind. The main understanding is if the topic isn’t appropriate to discuss in front of the girls, we put it on pause until later. Otherwise, these are the positive reminders we’ve put in place to help us in the heat of the moment. We give each other a gentle reminder of the healthy boundaries without blame to help us live by them in the heat of the moment.
Do you and your partner have healthy disagreement boundaries? Are they unspoken? Have you discussed them and agreed upon them? What boundaries help keep your disagreements healthy? Is this something you are willing to discuss with your partner if you haven’t already? Do you have any healthy disagreement boundaries you’d like to add? Feel free to share in the comments!