I read a book for the Life Coaching course I’m in and came across a part that really hit home. I’ve opened up in the past about struggling with depression, one of the things that I dealt with was being a victim of circumstances. Whenever anything bad happened I always searched for someone to blame, anyone but myself. There was always a series of events, an untimely incident, an unfortunate situation, and unsuspecting person that I was able to place the blame on. It was so much easier for me to feel wronged and stay in my comfortable hole to wallow in when I didn’t have to point the flashlight at myself.
As my mentality changed and I learned to shift the focus of my thoughts towards more positive things, I also learned a valuable lesson. If I blamed others for the bad things that happened and my own shortcomings, I also had to thank them for anything positive that happened in my life. How could everyone and everything else be in charge of unhappiness, being caught in a series of unfortunate events, and bad things always happening to me but turn around and take credit for the good things that happened in my life? I realized that I needed to be accountable for my actions and the consequences of my actions.That wasn’t something I was used to doing, and it was very uncomfortable at first.
I had to take a look at my life and accept responsibility for it. I’d put the state of my happiness, fulfillment and everything in between in the hands of others. I blamed my unhappiness on their inabilities and my lack of fulfillment on circumstances. Once I was able to enter that uncomfortable place of accepting responsibility and becoming accountable to myself going forward things began to change. I didn’t know that although it made me feel uneasy at first, it would also make me feel empowered.
My mentality began to change and instead of looking to place blame on someone, I would analyze situations. First I would take responsibility for my decisions and actions and fully accept the consequences whether positive or negative. Then I would look for the lesson, what experience could be gained from that situation to handle it better the next time? This helped me to stop being a victim of my circumstances. I realized I was in control of my happiness and fulfillment. I had no one to blame but myself for the degree to which I experienced things in my life. Just as I can’t control others, they can’t control me. While it was easier to think that I was just an unlucky person with a lot of bad things happening to me, the truth is I was allowing myself to be a victim. When I placed blame on those around me, I took the power away from myself. Now that I am able to step up and accept responsibility for the choices I make, I realize that the power lies within me.
What are your thoughts on this post? Have you experienced the difference between being a victim and being the conductor? Does it feel better to be responsible and accountable for your actions even though it might be uncomfortable sometimes? I’d love to hear your story, feel free to share in the comments!