Today’s topic examines the balance of a relationship. Part of a healthy and stable relationship is having balance. Is balance established by each partner contributing their portion of the 50/50 ratio? Before you answer, let’s examine that a little further.
On the one hand you can measure the 50/50 ratio using:
- Tally Marks- We’re adults so we don’t have an actual list on a piece of paper that we put the marks on! No, this is done in our heads! You meet in the middle by accumulating points. You clean the kitchen (point for you). Your partner takes out the trash (point for them). You
chauffeurwillingly drive the kids to practice (point). They do the laundry (point). And the list goes on and on. This list can get complicated once you start making deductions for the things one forgets to do. It can get further complicated depending who’s list you check (half points anyone?).
On the other hand, you can use this method to measure the 50/50 ratio:
- Balance Scale- You each add things of different weight to the balance scale. Maybe today you went grocery shopping for the month (ok the next two weeks). Your partner cleaned up the yard, fixed up some things around the house, and cleaned the bathroom while you were gone. In this method, all contributions are taken into consideration and measured by weight not by item count. It takes more than a few items on one end of the scale to tip it because it depends on size not number. One end might carry extra items but the scale is still balanced because the weight is distributed evenly.
I’m using mundane day to day examples but it’s just for the purpose of getting the point across. Both of these examples show scenarios that notes are kept on each partner’s contributions. While it’s important that both sides contribute to the relationship, it’s not as plain and simple as tit for tat. The balance scale is meant to see the whole picture and evaluate the strengths and weakness of each partner because you can use that to even the scales.
The beauty of a balanced partnership is when you can see the value that your partner brings to the relationship and how you compliment one another not how you compete against one another.
Of course there will be times that situations might put more pressure on one partner but the important thing is that you come together as the team you are to evaluate how you can distribute the weight better. Another thing to consider is when to assess the 50/50 ratio. If you are feeling overwhelmed and like the load has fallen on you, it’s probably a good idea to do something to clear your frustration; that way you can have a better perspective when you evaluate the balance and are in a better frame of mind before you open up the discussion. Try to keep the conversation objective, positive and focused on solutions. You want to come up with a plan to distribute the weight better. Once balance it attained you might find that the scale is only taken out when major life changes happen because you don’t need to constantly check the weight.
There’s no one size fits all in the relationship department. What works for one couple might not work for another. Please only take away from this what resonates with you. I’m not sure who I wrote this for but I have a feeling someone needed to read this. So whoever you are, I hope this finds you when you need it. I understand that these posts can be very personal so I understand if you don’t want to comment. My email is always available if someone wants to make a comment but doesn’t want it to be on public display (firstname.lastname@example.org).
How can the load be carried between the two of you so that the weight is evenly spread making it easier for both of you? Are you fairly assessing the 50/50 ratio in your relationship? Which method are you currently using in your relationship? Which method would you prefer to use? Which one would you want to be measured by?