What a week this has been! I’ve been in host mode this whole time leading up to the challenge and this week I’ve been in participant mode. I’m actually pleasantly surprised! The old me would have had a lot of difficulty being kind to myself, especially on purpose for a week! I struggled with depression for over 15 years and was the personification of pessimistic. I had a breakdown almost 3 years ago and I knew that something had to change or I wasn’t going to make it to my 30th birthday. Well I turned 30 in December and I’m here to tell you I’ve changed!
This week has shown me just how far I’ve come! I wake up everyday looking forward to the day ahead. I’m upbeat, have a positive attitude, think positive thoughts, tell myself good things and always look for the silver lining. That alone is such a stark contrast to the person I was before! I hadn’t realized how much my thought process and perspective had changed until I realized that my biggest struggle to be kind to myself this week was with my body image. I’ve been overweight for the past 5 years and I’ve never dealt with wight issues before. This was something new to me.
I realized that I’ve been hiding from myself. I don’t look at my reflection in the mirror, I avoid catching a glimpse at myself as I pass by a window and I try to stay out of pictures all together (or only take pictures from the shoulders up). My first yoga class last week awakened an insecurity I didn’t even realize I had! As I sat there staring at myself for an hour shaking trying to hold these strange poses, I couldn’t remember when was the last time I saw myself in a full body mirror! I didn’t understand how I got so big. I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel like I was as big as I looked and I didn’t like what I saw.
This week I promised myself to be kind to myself. To be honest but gentle. When I went to class I looked at myself in the mirror and decided I wanted to make my reflection mirror how I felt on the inside. I may not be at my best physically, but mentally, spiritually and emotionally I’m in a great place. Three years ago I could have made a list of 100 things that I didn’t like about myself in less than five minutes. Now I don’t focus on what I don’t like so I’m not going to let my weight take me down that road. I made a commitment to take better care of myself, not out of vanity but for my health and because by being in good health I’m doing what I can to make sure I’m at my best for my girls.
One thing I did this week was start a vision board. It’s been a while since I’ve had a vision board so it felt like a good time to get one started. I wrote down goals and affirmations, quotes and mantras. I made a colorful collage of words all over my closet and every time I look at it, it recharges my batteries! This week was full of self-reflection and self-assessment. While I’ll continue to work on being more gentle on myself as far as my fitness, I’m proud of myself to see where I am now compared to where I was at this point just 3 years ago when I wasn’t sure I’d be here at all.
Check out my 7 year old’s reflection on this week. She’s taking part in the challenge too!
To learn more about this week’s challenge, see the focus post here.