A-Z Challenge: Realistic Fiction- Relentless

The letter “R” of the A-Z Challenge took me here. Did I mention the posts get deeper as we go farther into the alphabet?


Chapter 27 Relentless

“You’re worthless, destructive, toxic. You are going to ruin her, damage her, break her. What if she turns out to be like you? How can you live with yourself? You have nothing to show for your life, you are nothing.” The voices in her head were relentless today. No, not just today. They had been getting louder, more angry and merciless over the past six months. She couldn’t take it anymore. Even when the voices were quiet, the impact of their words still lingered within her. She drove with eyes glazed over, mechanical motions, on autopilot even in this dangerous sea of rush hour traffic.

The vehicle suddenly locked up and began to slow, she reacted quickly guiding it to the far left side of the lane. Of course, she had to be in the fast lane obstructing traffic. She got out to put the safety cone up, but it wasn’t there. Typical, she thought. To top it off she was stopped in the bend of a curve. Thank goodness rush hour was almost over.

She popped the hood trying to figure out what happened. She stood over the engine realizing she would never determine what was wrong with her vehicle or her life. Just another day in her wonderful world. Suddenly the words of the voices began to echo in her head. She couldn’t take it anymore!

The heat that bounced off the asphalt burned her skin. The thoughts in her head broke her spirit. The timing of the vehicle malfunction broke her endurance.

She went to the car, picked up her cell phone, called her mother to explain where she was and to pick up her daughter. Yes, she was going to call a tow truck, yes right now. She hung up, rolled the windows down, opened a water bottle rolling around on the floor and placed it in her daughter’s cup holder. She asked her if she remembered how to dial 911 and told her to call if grandma wasn’t here soon and it got too hot. She planted a kiss on her forehead making sure not to sneak a smell of her wonderful 4-year-old scent. She stood out of her daughter’s view in front of the vehicle’s propped up hood and waited for the next speeding semi truck to pass by to take what would be her final step.

This was my attempt at realistic fiction. I’m no author and writing interesting story lines with detail and a plot have always been difficult for me. Balancing the level of detail with developing the characters and the scene isn’t something that comes naturally to me. So I’d love for you to share your thoughts. If you’ve taken the time to read this, please let me know what you think. 

By the way I didn’t upload the right photo into my “Q” post yesterday and feel all down because it was such a funny quote…so go check it out and make me feel better about catching my mistake 23 hours and all of my views later… 🙂 

This post is part of the A-Z challenge. For details on the challenge, click here.

Core post summing up what the challenge is about, why I signed up, and what my theme is.

Challenge Posts- you can find all of the posts here.

The Richness of a Simple Life- N° 414

If you haven’t checked out the Kindness Challenge I’m hosting in May, stop by. We could all use a little more kindness in our lives!

11 Replies to “A-Z Challenge: Realistic Fiction- Relentless”

  1. As a reader, I found your narrative quite lucid, and the plot comprehensible.The apprehension and turmoil going on in the mind of the mother is apparent, which is bothering her more with each passing day. ” They had been getting louder, more angry and merciless..” The later description of the scene regarding her vehicle breaking down has been nicely described, although I did find myself mystified at the end thinking what her final move may be!

    All in all, I liked reading it, you took us well along the story! That’s my opinion! 🙂


  2. I enjoyed it, but I’m just a scribbler, and have no expertise to bring.

    Having said that, I think you’ve found a good balance. The thoughts she had are not unfamiliar to a lot of people and, together with her actions, make her a believable character. The ending left me wondering what was next.

    Keith Channing A-Zing from http://keithkreates.com

    Liked by 1 person

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