I wasn’t sure when would be the right time to share the news. Last time we jumped the gun and ended up having to explain loss to a 4 year old. It was so hard to explain why her baby brother or sister couldn’t come be with us. It took a toll on me like none of the others had before. I took time off of work and ended up locking myself in Curly Girl’s room and painted and redecorated the whole thing. She caught me crying in the shower a few times over the next year and I wasn’t able to blame the tears on the water streaming down my face because the involuntary shaking from crying so hard was unmistakable even for a 5 year old. It took me a while to recover from the last miscarriage.
I didn’t know when the right moment would come. Should I wait until after the 12 week mark? Did it really matter? Last time I was so close and I still lost the baby. I decided not to let fear control my choice. I wanted to celebrate the news and let my big girl know that she was going to be a big sister. This time it would be different. I had to make myself believe it was true. This time the baby would make it. I had to force myself to connect with the baby because I felt horrible finally having a child inside of me but being scared to let the flutters inside stir up any feelings or attachment. I had to convince myself that everything was going to be alright.
I went online, ordered books and a bracelet and a teddy bear. All items about being a big sister and that would not only be a clue but a guide to transition from a family of 3 to a family of 4. I picked everything very carefully so that she would feel special and we could bond and enjoy the journey leading up to the day she would be able to welcome her sibling into our hears and home. So as hard as it was for me, I put everything into the Easter egg basket and surprised my Curly Girl two years ago with the news that she was going to be a big sister.
Each year at this time I’m reminded not only of the symbolical rebirth that spring and Easter bring along. I remember the fear and unease I felt and look at the little person that is apart of our family today and can’t imagine life without her. She has brought so much joy and laughter into our hearts and we love her so much. She is the answer to many prayers and wishes on shooting stars.