This week we had one of these kind of days. You see I used to be this neat and tidy chic when my hubby and I started dating. My clothes were all hung up facing the same way and organized by color- darkest shade fading to the lightest. It was fabric ombre at its best! Then something happened, I no longer had time to do stuff like that because ish got real, real quick!
These days, we work opposite shifts. He has the baby in the morning, we do a switcheroo at the bus station and I have the kids for the rest of the day. We see each other for 15 minutes and quickly summarize our day to each other before we catch our respective bus. Between getting home, getting lunch together, taking my oldest to her events, making dinner, and doing homework my day has no downtime between 5:45 am and 8:30 at night. In fairness I could use the time I utilize blogging once the girls are in bed to clean instead but I wonder, would he rather me be happy or have the house picked up?
I do need to be better about pitching in during the week, but then I think about it and I’m like, as much time as I spend cleaning on Saturdays that makes up for what I didn’t do during the week. I know it frustrates my husband so, I am going to try to be better, and have decided to focus on cleaning one area a day and then I don’t have to do a Saturday cleaning day (which could also be cut in half if I wasn’t watching Netflix while I cleaned…).
I have to say my hubby is pretty great to put up with me going from OCD clean to eh, as long as you can see the floor it’s not that bad. Don’t get me wrong, I like a clean house, I just don’t like cleaning and since most of the time the choice boils down to- do I clean really quick or blog- as you can see I’m posting this so you know where my decision lies.
On the other hand my gripe is about balancing our time. Personally, I think it’s very important to have hobbies and interests that you can enjoy together as well as on your own. I think self identity is important and healthy for a relationship. I don’t want to get so caught up in my identity as a mom and wife that I forget who I am as a person. One day the kids will move out and move on and it will just be my husband and I. I don’t want to have to discover who I am as a person because I spent so much time catering to everyone else that I lost who I was as an individual.
I have finally found something that I enjoy doing with other people that gets me out of the house, interacting with positive like-minded people and is something that I can do for me. I’ve found a group that is focused on living a healthy lifestyle- yoga, meditation, eating right etc. They attend seminars, workshops and discussions together as well as meeting up for group meditation sessions. I really enjoy the conversations, perspectives and ideas that come up.
The problem is that I want for both of us to be able to participate in our individual interests but still make time to spend together as a family. I find myself sacrificing my time to allow for my husband to make time for his hobby and leave a day open to bond as a family. So we need to sit down and have a look at our schedule and prioritize. It might not be the same from week to week, but we need to come up with a solution that works for both of us.
Our relationship is in one of the best chapters that its ever been. We have grown and matured both as individuals and as a couple over the 8 years we’ve been together. I consider myself lucky that we don’t have any major issues, problems, or hurdles in our relationship. That said, it doesn’t mean that it’s all smooth sailing. We still have things to work on and we will always work to make our relationship even better. So while I could stand to put more effort into housework and he could sacrifice a bit more of his hobby time to allow me to partake in mine, overall things are sweeter than they are sour.
Can you relate? Do you find yourself trying to find a balance that works in your relationship? It doesn’t have to be in the same areas my husband and I are currently working on. What compromises have you and your significant other found that work for you? Are you willing to open up and admit that your relationship isn’t Facebook profile picture perfect all of the time? After all, we are all human and there are things that just aren’t status update worthy.